I couldn’t imagine kissing a man. I couldn’t imagine him hugging me, groping me, penetrating me. I couldn’t imagine dating a boy. Even with her anatomy, I didn’t have the vocabulary of a girl. If I had spontaneously changed sexes, even if I did so today, I believe I would be a lesbian at best and a slightly odd one. I doubt I could even stomach the idea of sex with a butch female. Denying even the slightest possibility that I was gay left me alone in a fantasy world where all women were stereotypical, model beauties. All people were perfectly sculpted women in these scenarios, the only difference among us being that some women had penises. And of course every one of them wanted to put theirs in me. My self-loathing continued to grow. I was naive. I couldn’t bring myself to date other women. What girl wants a boy who fantasizes about being a girl during sex? What female wants to have sex with a boy who dresses himself in lingerie because he likes the way the fabric feels on his. . "Nice car," she commented as she got in. I looked at her face closely."Go inside and remove the eye shadow," I ordered, without acknowledging her compliment about the car."Why?" she asked in a whiny voice that made me sorry that I had been so harsh."We're going for pizza and a movie, not a fashion show."Zelda jumped out of the car and ran to the entrance of the building, making me wonder if she would return. Surprisingly, she was back in five minutes with not only her eyes scrubbed clean; the heavy application of lip gloss was also missing."Is this better?" she asked, cheerily.I laughed, liking her attitude. But I didn't like what I had seen as she let the short skirt creep up."What color are your panties?" I asked, having already seen they were red.Zelda didn't respond to my question. This time she was back in four minutes, having changed her panties. It was also evident that she was now wearing a bra.I smiled, approvingly and put the car in gear. Thinking she needed a better.
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